A long time ago, I loved art, especially drawing. I would sit at my desk for hours doodling, sketching, and coloring anime characters. Plan, draw, sign my name, write the date, show my family. It was as simple as that. Gradually, I became better. I was happy. Satisfied.
Then one day, I started to look for references online. On Instagram and Pinterest, I scrolled through pages and pages of beautiful oil paintings, watercolor paintings, charcoal drawings, 3D sketches, and so much more. I can't remember it all; there was so much and I'd never seen anything like it. I was excited and hopeful. People can make this? Wow. Then I'll make it, too.
I remember watching YouTube tutorials about how to draw people from photos and I'd follow along. I'd print out pictures and keep them beside me while I worked in my sketchbook. Looking back and forth between the reference and my art, I'd try to make them look the same, exactly the same. Hours later, I'd finally finish. I'd rip out the page in my book and slide the drawing into a folder without another glance, a folder that'd go tucked under the desk, a folder that'd live in the dark. It'd only see the light years later when I cleaned out my workspace. The truth is, I wasn't improving, or at least that's what I thought. Looking back, I was, but at the time, I couldn't see that.
So...what happened? For a long time, I was at my high point. Suddenly, I dropped low. This might sound familiar, whether or not your hobby is drawing. Maybe you've experienced this rollercoaster of emotions with photography, pottery, skateboarding, or even woodworking. For many, this happens when you expose yourself to "good" work. Suddenly, your expectations shift higher, making it harder to reach them. You set unrealistic goals for yourself. Over and over, I'd draw a picture and compare it with the "good" work I'd seen. My face would fall. Instead of seeing progress and thinking "oh, the nose looks better than last time" or "wow, the eyes are more symmetrical than before," all I'd see was what was wrong with it. I'd stress over the tiny flaws, wondering why I couldn't do what "everyone else" did. Because I'd seen other people do it, I'd become disappointed in myself if I couldn't. Finally, I couldn't stand the wave of negativity that flooded in ever single time I drew a line. I set my prisma pencil down and I haven't picked it up since.
I'm okay with that now. I don't want to draw anymore, not because of what happened but because I've simply lost interest.
So then, why am I writing this? I'm telling you this now because sometimes, I fear it's happening again with my new hobby, crocheting. I catch myself stressing over the lighting in my photos or the neatness of my work. I compare my crochet items with the work of famous crochet accounts and wonder, "What am I doing wrong? I couldn't tell you why, but my hat looks much worse than theirs." Slowly, I'm adding to my page and growing my content, but still, I feel discouraged. When I look at other small businesses, I think about how much better I'll have to do to be like them.
Lately, with the help of my mom, I've been learning to adjust my mindset and think positively. Here's some things to think about if you're dealing with something similar. Maybe if I encourage others to believe this, I'll be more inclined to believe it myself.
1. First of all, we're all on different paths. Why stop running when the person beside you is running faster? Why do that to yourself? Then you'll never run faster. Then you'll never catch them. Everyone starts somewhere and everyone goes at different paces.
2. Another analogy...some people take big jumps. That's cool. Some people take little steps. That's cool, too. Sometimes, it'll be so small you don't notice it. That's okay. If you put in the work and stay optimistic, you'll see progress one day.
3. You don't need to be perfect. You don't need to be like the people you see online. Sure, it's nice to expose yourself to other good work. It helps inspire you and motivate you to continue practicing. But you can't let it poision your mind and make you feel like the work you're doing right now is horrible and pointless. It's not.
4. In life, it's okay for things to be "good enough." Except in a few instances. It isn't good enough to just be kind to others. You have to be kind to yourself, too.
Thanks for visiting!
